The Alexis Files
by Aluminiae Relledemeth
Summary: Just some 6th grade junk.... :complete::


Disclaimer: I donÕt own any of these characters except Alexis Rekka. The story is also mine.

Note thing on the contestants:

Annie is from Sailor Victory

Bulma is from Dragon Ball Z

Chun Li is from Street Fighter

Dilandau is from Escaflowne

Eiko is from Geobreeders

Fred is from Outlaw Star

George is from Paradise Kiss

Hoshimaru is from Shadow Star

Iris is from Sakura Taisen

Juline is from Juline

Kiley is from Peach Girl

Link is from Zelda

Miroku is from Inu-Yasha

Nuriko is from Fushigi Yuugi

Oddish is from Pokemon

Puchiko is from Di Gi Charat

Qpil is from Skies of Arcadia

Rei is from Sailor Moon

Syaoran is from Card Captor Sakura

Tai is from Digimon

Umaro is from Final Fantasy VI

Vivi is from Final Fantasy IX

Washu is from No Need for Tenchi

Xellos is from The Slayers

Yoshi is from Mario

Zazu is from Magic Knight Rayearth

Note thing on a different matter: Be warned: Annie bashing. Thing is, I donÕt even know why I bash her. I have nothing against her ^^ There is also some Bulma, Fred (poor Fred. I like Fred a lot. Why am I bashing him????) Ash, Qpil, Rei, Yoshi (I donÕt have too much against him), Umaro, and Puchiko (why am I doing this to Puchiko, either? I like her!) bashing.

Note on yet another matter: I realize the Japanese sentences in here are ungrammatical. So sue me (on another note, donÕt! I donÕt have any money except what IÕm spending on Japan and a little pocket change!). If you have more grammatical versions of these sentences, please tell me what they are. IÕd like to fix them ^^

And yet another: I seriously have nothing against gay people!!!! IÕm sorry if it sounds that way! Do not be offended!!!! Rei HinoÕs opinions do not reflect my own!

Alexis: Hello, everybody! IÕm Alexis Rekka! And welcome to my new TV game show! I have 26 people who will talk about themselves and about there love lives, and they will be appearing in alphabetical order. Little do these people know, they are being filmed. The person who takes the least time to find out theyÕre being taped, wins! Anyway, my first person is Annie. Come on out, Annie!

Annie: (walks in from stage left and sits on the couch) Hello, Alexis.

Alexis: Hello, Annie! I have a few questions I want to ask you.

Annie: Okay.

Alexis: All right! Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Annie: Umm.... I believe IÕm programmed to be straight.

Alexis: Well, dig deep down. Who is it that you love?

Annie: Er.... IÕm a machine. IÕm not even sure if I do love, gay, straight, or bi.

Alexis: You sure?

Annie: Well maybe I like....

Alexis: Yes?

Annie: Mami.

Alexis: That would mean youÕre gay.

Annie: I suppose. The problem is that she hates me.

Alexis: How long have you felt this way about Mami?

Annie: Since you asked me that question.

Alexis: I see.

Annie: Are those cameras?

Alexis: Where?

Annie: Up on the ceiling! Were you taping what I was saying? I will tell everyone else this is a conspiracy!!

Alexis: Uh.... Security!!

Three hulky guards drag Annie into a room labeled ÔDANGER! Poisonous Fumes!Õ

Alexis: Uh.... Heh heh heh.... Now for our next contestant, Bulma! Come on out, Bulma!

Bulma: (walks out from stage left and sits on the couch) Hi, Alexis.

Alexis: Why hello, Bulma. IÕm going to ask you some questions now.

Bulma: Sure.

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Bulma: Straight, of course. IÕm married to Vegeta and have two kids, Trunks and Bra!

Alexis: Really? How did you and Vegeta come up with such....interesting....names?

Bulma: Well we figured we had to take off each of those to haÑ

Alexis: New question!!! Are you in love with someone other than your spouse?

Bulma: Of course not!

Alexis: You sure?

Bulma: Okay! Okay! Yamcha!

Alexis: Why donÕt you divorce Vegeta and marry Yamcha?

Bulma: Because VegetaÕs hair is sexy.

Alexis: Says you.

Bulma: Excuse me?! Did you say something?!

Alexis: No! Of course not!

Bulma: Says you.

Alexis: Ahem! IÕm the main talker her!

Bulma: Says you.

Alexis: Shut up!

Bulma: Says you.

Alexis: GAAAAAHH!!!!! Security!!

The guards start to drag Bulma off into the room Annie is in

Bulma: DonÕt touch my hair you buffoons!

Guards lock her in the room

Alexis: So far no oneÕs winning because Annie is screwed and Bulma is an impudent fool. Next up is Chun Li. Come out now, Chun Li!

Chun Li: (enters stage left and kneels about four feet from Alexis) Hello, Alexis.

Alexis: Um.... Hi....IÕll ask you the questions now. Are you gay, straight, or bi, Chun Li?

Chun Li: Straight.

Alexis: You sure?

Chun Li: Yes.

Alexis: Do you have a boyfriend?

Chun Li: No.

Alexis: Are you in love with anyone?

Chun Li: No.

Alexis: Are you noticing anything about our surroundings?

Chun Li: We are being taped.

Alexis: Is that why youÕre making yourself sound so good?

Chun Li: No.

Alexis: You sure?

Chun Li: Yes.

Alexis: Then you may wait in the lobby until IÕm finished.

Chun Li: Yes. (walks into room with door labeled ÔLobbyÕ)

Alexis: Come in now, Dilandau!

Dilandau: (enters stage right and sits on couch) Konnichi wa, Alexis-can.

Alexis: Hi....?

Dilandau: Naze watashi koko? Doko ni Van?

Alexis: Wha?

Dilandau: Eh? GAAAH!!!! Watahi wa ni naru Serena!! (becomes Serena)

Serena: Doko ni Allen? Watashi samishigaru kare. Eh? (becomes Dilandau again)

Dilandau: Eh? Nani sore? Hitotsu kamera?

Alexis: um.... Whatever.... You lose because you donÕt make any sense, and also you turned into a girl, which is sort of sick. Security! Take him away!

Guards approach Dilandau

Dilandau: (picks up flamethrower on the ground) Nokoru soko soretomo shine!!!!

One guard comes closer

Dilandau: (does whatever you do to get flames out of a flamethrower) MOERO!! MOEROOOO!!!! WA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guard #1 (the one thatÕs dying): AAUUGH!!!!! (dies)

Alexis: Uh.... You can go into the lobby, because you win so far! Heh heh heh........

Dilandau: Eh?

Alexis: (leads Dilandau into lobby, shuts the door, and sits back in her chair) Well.... Now for our next contestant. Eiko, come in!

Eiko: (enters stage left and sits on couch) Hi, Alexis, I noticed cameras on the way in. Are we being taped?

Alexis: Yes. You may go into the lobby now.

Eiko: Sure. (walks into lobby)

Alexis: Next up is Fred. YouÕre up, Fred!

Fred (enters stage right, walks up to Alexis, and hugs her) Hi, Alexis!! (lets go, walks over to the couch, and sits down)

Alexis: Uh.... Hi, Fred. IÕm going to ask you a few questions, okay?

Fred: Sure thing!

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Fred: Well, IÕm in love with Gene.

Alexis: So youÕre gay?

Fred: Sure.

Alexis: Do you have a girlÑorÑboy friend?

Fred: No. GeneÕs in love with an android. I have to marry a woman in two months anyway.

Alexis: Really? Why?

Fred: Because my dadÕs forcing me.

Alexis: Ha, ha!

Fred: Hey! (gets up)

Alexis: Security!

Guard #2 grabs Fred and throws him into the ÔDanger RoomÕ

Alexis: George! Come out! ItÕs your turn!

George: (enters stage right, walks up to Alexis and gives her a rose) For you, my beautiful, but not as beautiful as Yuriko, lady. (sits down on couch)

Alexis: Um.... Right.... IÕm going to ask you some questions.

George: Okay, then.

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

George: Bi.

Alexis: Do you have a girl or boyfriend?

George: I have a girlfriends named Yuriko, or Caroline.

Alexis: Really? Do you wish you were with someone else?

George: No.

Alexis: Okay, do you have a job?

George: Not yet. IÕm still in high school.

Alexis: Where do you go?

George: Yaza Arts.

Alexis: Do you know what you want to be when youÕre out of school?

George: I have already started designing a line of clothed called ÔParadise KissÕ with three of my friends.

Alexis: Excellent. You may go to the lobby now.

George: Okay. (walks into lobby)

Alexis: Next would be Hoshimaru. Come on, Hoshimaru!

::silence::

Alexis: Hoshimaru?

Man comes in from lobby, hands Alexis a piece of paper, and then leaves through the lobby

Alexis: LetÕs see here. What does this say? (looks at note) Well, apparently folks, Hoshimaru wonÕt let go of his owner, Shiina, and Shiina is sick and canÕt come to the studio. Well, then we will just have to go to the next contestant, which would be Iris! Come on out Iris!

Iris: (enters stage left and sits down on the couch) Bonjour, Alexis!

Alexis: Er.... Hi, Iris. ArenÕt you a little young to be on the show? Well I guess Annie was younger....

Iris: Ferme la bouche (sp????)! (exits into the lobby)

Alexis: Uh.... That was abrupt.... Next is Juline! Come on, Juline!

Juline: (enters stage left and sits down on the couch) Hi, Alexis!

Alexis: Hi, Juline! How are you?

Juline: IÕm okay.

Alexis: Cool. IÕm going to ask you some questions, okay?

Juline: Sure!

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Juline: Uh.... (blushes and walks into the lobby)

Alexis: Right.... Next, I suppose. That would be Kiley. Come out Kiley!

Kiley: (enters stage right and sits on the couch) You have a boyfriend?

Alexis: Uh.... No.

Kiley: You busy tomorrow at 6:00?

Alexis: No.

Kiley: Want to go out, then?

Alexis: Uh.... Sure.

Kiley: Cool! (walks into labby)

Alexis: Wow.... Next is Link!

Link: (enters stage right and sits on couch) Hello. Have you seen my ocarina?

Alexis: Uh.... No.

Link: Dang. (looks under couch) Hey! There it is! (gets it out from under the couch and then plays the Forest Minuet) Yes, I want to go! (disappears)

Alexis: Riiiiiiiight.... Come out now, Miroku!

Miroku: (enters stage right and walks up to Alexis) Since Kagome is in love with Inu-Yasha, will you bear my child?

Alexis: (eyes bug) NO!!!!!!

Miroku: Ah, well. Your loss. (walks over to the couch and sits down)

Alexis: Not.... Really.... Um.... Anyway, IÕm going to ask you some questions.

Miroku: Why?

Alexis: Because! Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Miroku: Straight, obviously. My turn for a question!

Alexis: Uh.... Sure.

Miroku: What are those black things on the ceiling?

Alexis: Dang. TheyÕre cameras.

Miroku: What the devil are cameras?

Alexis: You donÕt know?

Miroku: They are not from my time.

Alexis: I see. Well, go into the lobby now and ask someone else except for the albino guy, okay?

Miroku: Right. (gets up and exits into the lobby)

Alexis: Well, now that the odd pervert is gone, we will go on to Nuriko, our next contestant. Your turn Nuriko!

Nuriko: (enters stage right and sits on couch) Hi!

Alexis: Hi, Nuriko! IÕm going to ask you some questions.

Nuriko: Sure.

Alexis: Okay. Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Nuriko: None of the above.

Alexis: Uh.... How can that be?

Nuriko: Well IÕm certainly not bi and IÕm in love with Hotohori. But, I have a manÕs body but a womanÕs heart. In conclusion, I am not gay, nor straight, nor bi.

Alexis: Uh.... Right.... Do you have a boy or girlfriend?

Nuriko: No.

Alexis: Do you have a job?

Nuriko: Not unless you consider being a Celestial Warrior of Suzaku a job.

Alexis: Okay. How old are you?

Nuriko: 18.

Alexis: How old is this Hotohori of yours?

Nuriko: 18.

Alexis: Is Hotohori older than you?

Nuriko: I donÕt know.

Alexis: Alrighty then.... You may go into the lobby now, Nuriko.

Nuriko: Sure. (gets up and exits into the lobby)

Alexis: I choose you to come out next, Oddish!

Oddish: (enters stage left and walks up to Alexis) Odd oddy od!!

Alexis: Oh, odd oddy od yourself.

Oddish: Ooodddd!!!! (bites AlexisÕs leg)

Alexis: Egad! Get this rabid creature off of me!

Ash: Oh my! ItÕs a pokemon! I wonder what it is! What is it Mr. Pokedex?

Pokedex: I told you not to call me that, you gay retard! itÕs an Oddish. DidnÕt I already tell you that six times before? God, youÕre a moron.

Ash: IÕm gonna catch it! (throws pokeball at Oddish)

Oddish: (eats pokeball) Odd oddy oddoi! WA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Alexis: Now where did I just hear that laugh a little while ago?

Oddish: Odd od oddy! (runs out of lobby and out the door)

Ash: Oh no! (runs into lobby where is cruelly beaten up by inhabitants, then is literally kicked outside)

Alexis: My, wasnÕt that fun? Well, letÕs be getting on with the show. Come out Puchiko!

Puchiko: (enters stage left and climbs up couch) Hi, nyuu!

Alexis: Nyuu? What is nyuu?

Puchiko: What are you talking about, nyuu?

Alexis: You seem to say ÔnyuuÕ at the end of every sentence.

Puchiko: Really, nyuu?

Alexis: See?! You just did it again! You know, that really is an annoying habit.

Puchiko: I didnÕt notice, nyuu.

Alexis: Shut up!

Puchiko: That isnÕt very nice to say, nyuu.

Alexis: Do you think I care, you midget?! Security members! You know what to do!

One of the guards grabs Puchiko by her unusually large head and tosses her into the now open door of the room of ÔdisposalÕ

Alexis: Thank you for that. I would like.... Uh.... IÕm not sure how to pronounce this. Q-P-I-L. Qpil? Like Kih-pull? Yeah? I guess so. Come out Qpil.

Qpil: (enters from the middle and floats over to the couch)

Alexis: Er, hello, Qpil.

Qpil: ....

Alexis: Hello?

Qpil: ....

Alexis: Listen, IÕm having a bad day. Just talk to me you grey turd looking creature!

Qpil: ....

Alexis: What is your problem?!

Qpil: ....

Alexis: Are you mute? Are you just stupid? WhatÕs wrong with you?!

Qpil: ....

Alexis: Aaagh! I canÕt stand this silence! You will die!!! (runs over to Qpil, takes her double barreled shotgun out of her bra (learned how to conceal things that way from Eudial) and shoots it, causing blood to fly from every direction, staining her couch and getting all over her as well) You filthy little beast!! I hate you!! If we werenÕt on air, IÕd swear for a couple hours at your bloody, dead, gory, corpse!!!!!!!!!! (sticks shotgun back in bra and calmly sits back in her chair) Sorry for that interruption. Next contestant is Rei. Please come out, Rei!

Rei: (enters stage left and sits on couch) Yeah. hi.

Alexis: Hi. IÕm going to ask you a few questions.

Rei: Shoot.

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Rei: Like, what the heck? What sort of question is that?

Alexis: My opening one. Also the one you will answer right now!

Rei: Fine! As I am perfect, I am obviously straight.

Alexis: Perfect? ThatÕs something I seriously doubt. I mean, youÕre not even pretty.

Rei: What are you talking about?! IÕm perfect in every way, and I mean EVERY way!

Alexis: Yeah, right.

Rei: I am!

Alexis: Uh.... No. Anyway, do you have a boyfriend?

Rei: Yes.

Alexis: DonÕt lie.

Rei: IÕm not!

Alexis: Yes you are!

Rei: Well, IÕll bet you donÕt have one either!

Alexis: I donÕt, but at least I have a date tomorrow with a really hot guy!

Rei: Whatever.

Alexis: Anyway, do you have a job, Miss Non-Perfect?

Rei: No, IÕm only in high school. And I AM perfect.

Alexis: No youÕre not. Where do you go to school?

Rei: A perfect private school.

Alexis: Is that fun?

Rei: School isnÕt fun.

Alexis: Yes it is, so ha ha!

Rei: I hate you.

Alexis: I hate you too. Do you know what you want to be when you get out of school?

Rei: No.

Alexis: See? YouÕre definitely not perfect. And since I hate you, guards, do your stuff!

Guards lock Rei into the room of the deadly fumes

Alexis: Next up is Syaoran! Come, Syaoran!

Syaoran: (enters stage right and sits on couch) Hi.

Alexis: Hi, Syaoran. IÕm going to ask some questions. First off, do all girls think youÕre soooo cute like I do?

Syaoran: Uh.... (blushes outrageously) I donÕt know....

Alexis: Well, are you gay, straight, or bi?

Syaoran: (turns bright red) ........ (looks up) Are we being taped?

Alexis: Yes. You may go into the lobby now.

Syaoran: (gets up and exits through the lobby door)

Alexis: Come, Tai!

Tai: (enters stage right and sits on couch) Hey, uh.... What was your name again?

Alexis: Alexis.

Tai: Oh.... Hey, Alexis!

Alexis: Yeah. You will now be asked some questions.

Tai: ÔKay.

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Tai: Straight, because IÕm in love with Sora, who my supposed best friend Matt stole from me!!!!

Alexis: Really? Are you mad at Matt?

Tai: Of course I am!! He STOLE my beloved!

Alexis: I see. Maybe I should get off the subject. Do you have a job?

Tai: No.

Alexis: Why?

Tai: IÕm still in school.

Alexis: Where do you go?

Tai: I dunno.

Alexis: How does one not know the name of the school they go to?

Tai: Because I really do have a job and IÕm not in school anymore.

Alexis: Then why did you tell me that?!

Tai: I dunno.

Alexis: Do you know anything?

Tai: Yeah, for one, I seem to be sitting on the corpse of something grey.

Alexis: Oh, sorry. I forgot to remove that.

Tai: (gets up, picks up QpilÕs body, walks over to a trashcan, dumps the corpse in, walks over to the couch, and sits down) can I leave now?

Alexis: Not quite. Go into the lobby and socialize with the people there. We are almost done with everything.

Tai: (goes into lobby)

Alexis: I would like Umaro to come to the main room, please! Umaro!

The note guy walks up to Alexis and gives her a note and just stands there

Alexis: (reads note) Locke, being the good guy he is, just happened to kill Umaro the other day. So next is Vivi! Come on Vivi!

Note guy gives her another note and leaves

Alexis: (reads note) Grr.... Apparently, Vivi canÕt make it either. heÕs getting a tan in Florida. Well, hopefully Washu is here, because sheÕs next! Come on, Washu!

Washu: (enters stage left and sits on couch) Hello, Alexis.

Alexis: Hi, Washu.

Washu: WeÕre being taped.

Alexis: True enough. You may go into the lobby now.

Washu: And waht if I donÕt?

Alexis: See those bloodstains on that couch?

Washu: I see. IÕll be in the lobby. (goes into lobby)

Alexis: Now for Xellos. Come here, Xellos!

Xellos: (enters stage right and just stands there) Are our events today being recorded, thus the cameras?

Alexis: Yeah. How did you know?

Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu.

Alexis: You can go into the lobby now, then.

Xellos: Sure. (exits into lobby)

Alexis: Come here, Yoshi! ItÕs your turn!

Yoshi: (enters stage right and jumps on couch) Ylump!

Alexis: What?

Yoshi: Ohohohohoho!

Alexis: Na....?

Yoshi: Ylump! Ohohohoho!

Alexis: Is that all you can say? Well thatÕs annoying. Guards, take it away!

Guards take Yoshi and dump him in the room of toxicity with all the other loonies

Alexis: Now, last, but certainly not least, Zazu! Come on out, Zazu!

Zazu: (enters stage right and sits on couch) Hi, Alexis.

Alexis: Why, hello, Zazu. IÕm going to ask you some questions.

Zazu: All right.

Alexis: Are you gay, straight, or bi?

Zazu: Straight.

Alexis: Do you have a girlfriend?

Zazu: No.

Alexis: Are you in love with anyone?

Zazu: Yes. Though it is rumored that I was in love with Hikaru, I am really in love with the beautiful Fuu. You see, when Hikaru announced that she wanted to marry Eagle and Lantis, and was in love with everybody, and whatnot, I decided if I was ever her boyfriend, she would probably cheat on me. Then I found out that I actually liked Fuu.

Alexis: Amazing. Well, what do you know, we donÕt have very much time left. Zazu, you may go into the lobby for a moment.

Zazu: (exits into lobby)

Alexis: Now, to announce the survivors! They will come in to this room when I have called their names. Then I will announce the winner! Everyone living, whoÕs in the lobby come out to the main room when IÕm finished calling out the names! The survivors are: Chun Li, Dilandau, Eiko, George, Juline, Kiley, Miroku, Nuriko, Syaoran, Tai, Washu, Xellos, and Zazu! Come in now!

Eiko, Juline, Washu, and Zazu walk in

Alexis: Where did all the rest of you go?

Eiko: LetÕs see here. Chun Li said she had to fight someone and then left, Dilandau turned into Serena, turned back into himself, stripped himself waist up, and ran out of the building, George said he was bored and then left, Kiley said he was going to see you later anyway and then left, when Miroku had asked all the females to bear his child and they all refused he left, Tai exploded, and Xellos just left for no reason at all.

Alexis; Well that gets rid of some trouble. Anyway, Zazu and Juline, you two can leave because you didnÕt notice the cameras.

Zazu: I didnÕt really have time to.

Alexis: True, but that sort of disqualifies you. Sorry.

Zazu: Disqualifies me from what?

Alexis: This is really all a game show. (gets up) There were hidden cameras here. You two have to leave now.

Zazu: bye, then.

Juline: Bye.

Alexis: Bye!

Zazu and Juline leave the building

Alexis: Oh yeah, you have to leave too, Syaoran, because youÕre under aged.

Syaoran: Okay. (leaves)

Alexis: Well that leaves the two of you.

Washu: What exactly do we get if we win?

Alexis: A brand new red corvette and $15000.00.

Eiko: Cool! So who won?

Alexis: The person who won is............................................................................................................................................................................not Washu!

Washu: Oh my god! I won! I wÑOh wait.... You said I didnÕt win. Oops.

Eiko: Yay! Wow! This is so cool!

Washu: I guess IÕll be leaving then. (leaves building)

Alexis and Eiko go outside, Eiko receives gifts, Alexis goes back into studio, and takes out her gun

Alexis: Well.... That sucked.

Blah Blah: Okay, that was just some stupid story I wrote in 6th grade. IÕm sorry if itÕs crap. Why did I type it if I donÕt think itÕs good? Well, letÕs just put it this way: boredom does that to you.


End file.
